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Okay, when my children were very young, I admit that I was the indentured servant. But I understood that this was just a phase and that our children would someday be expected to join in the business of running the household. And as they have grown older, they have indeed assumed an increasing share of the chores required to keep our home afloat. Their level of participation, of course, has depended on their ages.
Teaching a child to be a part of the operating system of a family begins at an early age. I imagine that dual-income families have an easier time recognizing this because they simply can’t do everything with the limited time available at the end of the day. But those of us at home might make the mistake of thinking all the chores at home are our duty and feel guilty even considering asking our children for help. Think again.
Sociologists Scott Coltrane and Michele Adams found that school-aged children who do chores with their fathers get along better with peers and have more friends. They also found that they are less likely to disobey teachers, cause trouble at school and are happier and more outgoing.
I’ve known parents who require their children to do chores only when they behave badly. While I have no problem with using chores as punishment, children should still be expected to participate in the operation of the household on a regular basis regardless of behavior. Chores, while not always pleasant, are an essential part of life.
Keep in mind that you are raising a future spouse and parent. What you teach them about the division of chores will be carried with them into their own families. So get started early. If you’d like to teach your son to never lift a hand once he is married, then do everything for him now. If you want to suggest to your daughter that being a mother is dreary and dirty work, do everything for her today. However, if you’d rather teach your kids that a family needs to work together to serve each other, then give them age-appropriate tasks as soon as they are able to handle them. In doing so, you will teach them the value of work.
Excerpted with permission from From High Heels to Bunny Slippers: Surviving the Transition from Career to Home, by Christine Conners, MA (Capital Books, 1-933102-14-4, $18.95, http://www.capital-books.com/).
Christine Conners is a psychotherapist and counselor with a master's degree in marriage and family counseling. She was president of the board of directors and a co-founder of the NASA Dryden Child Development Center and worked as a liaison with NASA Headquarters and other NASA centers to define uniform guidelines for NASA child development centers. For the last nine years Christine has been primarily the stay-at-home parent of her four children, though she works part-time as a child therapist for Georgia's state mental hospital in Savannah. Christine is author of 
